Young at Heart
by gostlcards
Summary: He had never wanted to grow up, so he knew exactly why this was the life the witch had bestowed upon him. And now he could never get that back. / Spec for what Dr. Whale's true identity is, some slight spoilers based on S2 leaked set pics. One-Shot.


AN: This is kinda shorter than what I normally write, and might be kind of choppy, but it was one of those where the words just kind of fell out of my fingers. I'm not the best with this story, knowing only the Disney version, "Finding Neverland" and Hook (which you will catch references to throughout the story lol), none of which I own (DISCLAIMER). I know this is one of the more popular theories though for Dr. Whale's identity and I've had this pretty much finished for the last two months so I figured i'd throw it up until I can get another chapter of my other new story up sometime next week. So I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

The first thing he noticed when the curse initially broke was how_ wrong_ his entire body felt.

He had been born of this world, interestingly enough. In England, in the era of Queen Victoria, he had been lost to his parents and rescued by a fairy from another realm. As he had neared adolescence, he had taken brief trips back with Tink, his fairy friend, as well as caused enough trouble for Captain Hook and his crew of pirates in the bay of Neverland, where he decided at the very modest age of 14 that he never did want to grow up. It had never seemed any fun; older men were fat and slow, and they smelled something awful-not from play it seemed, but something else-and he was sure whatever was in those brown jugs had something to do with it. But they were serious and had to work, the thought of the responsibility to take care of the ships in the harbor, or the shops of the wharf nearly making him ill at the thought. Spending time with the Lost Boys and Tink was much more enjoyable, especially once Wendy and her brothers grew too old and stopped believing.

Besting Hook was even a sport he was sure would grow boring if he aged; he supposed being so much younger than him made the victories sweeter, as being outsmarted by a teenager seemed to drive Hook ever more irate. Ever since Tick Tock had taken his hand, the Captain had grown sour with every missed opportunity to exact his revenge against Pan. But with the help of the fairy dust, and little sense of adventure, that piece of silver was no match for the boy's tricks.

Which was why, as the haze of purple across the land lifted, the good Doctor never moved from his place on the hospital chair. He stared ahead, morose and lost until the Blue Fairy knelt in front of him, cupping his face in her hands. "You are unfamiliar to me, sir, but you seem troubled, like so many lost souls right now. It will be scary and unknowable at first, but the King and Queen will know what to do. Do not be afraid."

"I..." He shook his head, stretching his arms out to look at them. They were much longer and felt stronger, the muscles on his torso filling out his clothing and making him more aware than he'd ever been of himself. There was no way he could fly like this; he wouldn't be aerodynamic at all! The thought of never flying once more made his heart seize in his chest, and he bit his lip. The memories of his time as Dr. Whale of Storybrooke General meshed with his old ones of the time in Neverland, so stark in contrast that what remained of his childish emotions caused his eyes to fill with a thin sheen of tears. He stood, the Blue Fairy giving him space as he stretched out his legs and shook his head. "I don't like this, Blue Fairy. This new body is...strange. I was not a good man here. I have to find the other boys. I have to find Tink, she'll know what to do."

Her face fell at the sorrow in his tone as she looked him up and down once, her hand covering her mouth as she realized who he was. "_Peter_." She breathed. "Oh, Peter, what did she do to you?"

* * *

_It was a mostly normal day in Neverland as Peter chased the tiny green fairy around the docks, peeking in ale mugs and empty lamp heads. As he would seem to catch her, clapping his hands around her with a whoop of glee, she would somehow squeeze out from her trap with a shrill cry and be off once more, drawing the ire of the teenage boy who scowled as he took off after her with a spring of his knees. He shot high into the air with a crow, rising high before he turned sharply in the direction of her tinkling sound._

_The game didn't last long, for a smaller ship that was unfamiliar to him sailed quietly into the harbor, came abreast at the hull of The Jolly Roger and stopped smoothly along the side. His brow furrowed as he could tell whoever it belonged to was trying to maintain a low profile, which he supposed could never be good. Any friend of Hook's was definitely not one of his._

_He landed on the dock and slid soundlessly toward where boxes and nets full of fish sat stacked awaiting to be carried away. He slunk around near other moorings and such; he knew if he were to be spotted, he would be done for and while he never backed down from a chance to antagonize the feared Captain, he wasn't particularly in the fighting mood, especially with a strange guest aboard the ship. In the slowly setting dusk, he could see the shape of a portly man followed by a tall woman dressed all in black, a large hat atop her head with a long feather stuck in the brim. He squinted to get a better look, and saw as she stopped for but a moment and swung her head in his direction. His chest tightened in panic, a feeling he was not so familiar with, and he pressed himself against the poles of the pier as he shrunk back to hide from he view. He swore he saw her smirk as she picked up her pace and ducked on board the large pirate ship. He swallowed hard._

_He spent the next few hours with Tink at his side spying on the boat after heading back to where the Lost Boys lived to brief them on this development. There was something sinister about the woman in black, the way she had looked at him at that distance knowingly, as if she were almost eager to make him aware of it. Tink spent her time swooping close to the boat, but often returning with her pout as she continually seemed unable to hear anything useful. It was only when she spirited away to the Boys and left him alone for a short period that anything changed._

_"You there, boy. Boy! Didn't anyone teach you it's bad manners to spy on your elders?"_

_The cajoling tone of her voice made him freeze, pushing himself further into his hiding place away from her. It did nothing for him, he found, as he was jerked out of it with ease by a disembodied force that lifted him in to the air, dangling above the water by the pier. He fought to squirm away and fly back to their lagoon, but it seemed no use. The woman smiled up at him "That's more like it. You must be the infamous Pan I've heard so much about."_

_He, of course, had no clue who she was. He scowled at her and squirmed in her telepathic grasp, arching his back as he tried to dart and fly away. He thought about calling for Tink, or crowing for the boys, but he knew that any extra noise would alert Hook's men that he was afoot and given this woman's presence, he knew he would not be able to win. "Lemme go!"_

_"Oh no, my boy. Not the child who's been a thorn in my new associates side for so many years now." He felt his body move toward her as she curled her fingers toward her chest, the smirk sharpening on her lips until she placed him a few paces in front of her on the dock. Still unable to move, he fought to keep his heart from racing. Looking brave was more than half the battle. "You're the reason for that missing appendage I hear?"_

_He was able to crane his chin up at this. "Yes I am. And I'll do worse to you if you don't let me go!"_

_He knew this was no time for false bravado, but it was either that or shrink in fear. Whereas Hook would've grown irritable or irate at the statement, this woman just threw back her head and laughed, the newly risen moon causing her pale skin to cast a chilling glow._

_"James was right, you do have spirit. I'll give you that." She grasped his throat then, tightening her grip and he felt his breath catch._

_Uh oh. This wasn't good._

_"So tempting." Her blood red lips widened into a broad wicked smile, her very white teeth glistening in a very predatory way. He was almost afraid she would bite him. "I could snap your little neck right now and be done with you."_

_"To die would be an awfully great adventure," He snapped sarcastically. Her fingers tightened around his neck and he squirmed just a bit more._

_"Unfortunately, no good deal comes without a a bit of sacrifice, and I need the Captain's help. I daresay what your good friend has in store for you where we're going is a fate worse than death." She was right in his face now, eyebrows raised high as she spoke, her breath warm on his cheek._

_"He's no friend of mine." The boy rasped in response, and if his throat would've been free of her grasp, he would've spit on her. She sneered at him, the consideration of just killing him, regardless of any deal, was evident in her expression before she threw him backward with some unseen force and sent him into the boxes he hid behind earlier. He hit them solidly with a loud thwack, drawing the attention of a few members of the Roger's crew. She smiled devilishly._

_"Whoops. Better get to flying off like the nasty pest you are." She tilted her head, looking up at him through long eyelashes. "I'll see you soon...Peter Pan."_

His insides burned at the memory. It was so clear, of course, to be stuck as what you most dreaded, an adult with all the responsibility in the world would be a perfect torture for him. The memories of his liaisons haunted him as well, so much so that he could not look Red or Queen Snow in the face without his cheeks burning. King James seemed befuddled at his nerves, which only served to make him feel worse. He had only seen the royal couple once from far away as they visited Neverland briefly on their Honeymoon cruise, but he had heard stories of their kindness to their subjects and felt as if the actions of his Storybrooke alter ego had so grievously wronged the both of them that he should never speak to them again. Unfortunately, Prince Henry seemed to have other ideas.

"Dr. Whale! I mean...hey, who are you supposed to be anyway? You just keep going by Whale." He frowned. "You're not Monstro, are you?"

At this, his inner child rebutted. "No. What are you, stupid? Do I look like a whale?" His tone was impetuous and taunting, most ill befitting of a responsible adult, and the shocked looks on the face of the King, Queen and Princess all were enough to make him understand his misstep. Only Henry seemed fine with it, because he stuck his tongue out in kind and snapped back.

"No, I'm not stupid! If it wasn't for me, all of you would still be stuck in your stupid lives."

"Henry!" Emma and Snow seemed to reprimand him at the same time, but with their befuddled gaze still on the man they only knew as the Doctor in the town. King James turned to him with a frown.

"I would also say, Doctor, that doesn't seem like the most appropriate way for an adult to address a child. Are you alright? I know the breaking of the spell has affected all of us deeply but you seem...very off, from your usual ways."

With the curse still only hours broken, and him sure that the Charming's probably had their own business to attend to, he scowled at the King. Not for the second, or last time, did tears well in his eyes. "I'm fine!"

He stalked from the diner where everyone had taken refuge for the time being and out onto the street, realizing quite despondently that he didn't know where he would go. He had a home here in Storybrooke, but everywhere he looked in it reminded him of who he was now and more importantly, who he wasn't. A long mirror stood in the bedroom he had spent too much of his last 28 years in, and when he looked in it, he saw himself at over 6 foot, filled out and old. There seemed nothing left of the boy he once yearned to stay forever.

He decided to walk the streets then his shoulders hunched over to hide his face from passerby's as he wiped the tears from his eyes. That was also an annoyance that seemed to be rearing it's head; with whatever potion having been unleashed on the small town, it had caused enough damage to wound citizens of Storybrooke so that they approached him with a lacerated leg or a black eye, or something worse and he was just not equipped to handle it! Well, he remembered everything; that was true. But the idea of sitting down and sewing someone up, or making them better if they were hurt was terrifying and quite honestly, kinda gross and something he just didn't want to have to do. He didn't _want_ people running after him for help, or depending on him to save them. He wanted to live in the trees, and play Bangarang and go flying. He **_wanted_**...

"PETER!"

The light, feminine voice rang through the street, a voice he knew so very well. He cared nothing for anyone seeing his tears now. The Charming's, along with a few other stragglers had come out onto the street, to follow him or not he did not know. All he saw now was the Blue Fairy further down the road from him with a watery smile on her face, and a petite young woman a few paces in front of her, her golden yellow hair pulled up in a tight bun, tears streaming down her face. "PETER!"

"TINK!" He let out a whoop of joy and took off at full speed, finally seeing a familiar face of a loved one. As he picked her up without a word, spinning her around in the street as he held her tightly, the spectators watching on in disbelief.

"Tink? _Peter_?" James began slowly. "Like, as in..."

"The rebel boy from Neverland who could..." Snow continued.

"Fly! Does that mean Dr. Whale can FLY?!" Henry seemed enthusiastic whereas his grandparents seemed shocked. All three looked at Emma who still stared at the newly reunited friends in the street, her face now more tired looking than it had been all day. She was still not used to this whole Snow and Charming thing, nor with any of the other fairytale creatures and now this; Peter Pan was supposed to be a child! She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I need a Xanax. And some whiskey."

* * *

"You're old." Tink whispered to him as he dabbed at a cut above her right eye. She hissed in pain as the soaked cotton made contact with the open wound and pulled back. He smiled.

"Do you remember, back in the lagoon," He began, setting the swab down and clasping his hands together. "We'd patch each other up all the time. This is just like that."

She smiled sadly at him, her own green eyes shiny with tears. "Yeah. Yeah, i guess it is."

He handed her a butterfly bandage to put on it, pushing back playfully on the rolling chair that sent him soaring across the shiny linoleum of the hospital. The corridor was mostly empty, save for a few stragglers coming in for medical supplies here and there. Doc was helping with what he could, and many of the former midwives had gone to the forest to collect herbs and remedies from there to make poultices for the injured. More than once someone had suggested Peter chip in with some help, put the training Regina had instilled in his mind to some good use, but he had merely shrugged off the suggestion and continued to speak to his friend.

"Maybe you should help, Peter." She finally told him quietly. "You know more than anyone about the medicine here."

"No, I wouldn't be any help now." He shook his head with a smirk, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. "I know what you really want to do. We have to find the other boys! We can head into the forest, away from that witch! We need to get a head start, but we need to make sure the other boys are safe first and then when we can get away, we can plan our defense! I bet even Hook is somewhere out there too. I just know he had something to do with all this..."

"Peter, no!" She pushed her hands out. "I know you're angry with her for making you...like _this_, but think of everyone who needs your help. We're not in Neverland anymore, Peter. We can't just be silly and not care. This isn't a game."

"I don't want to!" He snapped back petulantly, standing up taller than her. She was grown now too, a woman in the 5 foot range, and he didn't know if she was magical anymore. If she could fly. If _he_ would fly. He did know he did not want to stay here. He spun on his heel to turn from her when, of all people, Emma Swan burst into the emergency room, about to ruin all of what he wanted as he knew it.

King James strode behind her, the limp form of Henry Mills in his arms, his arm bent at a grotesque angle with bits of bone appearing to jut from the wound. Peter's stomach flipped over a few times and he drew back in disgust at the sight of the blood. "We can't help him here."

"You have to! You have to help him, you're a doctor." Emma stalked after him despite his deflection. "He was trying to get something from Regina's house, a book she keeps to help us and he fell..." Emma's voice broke, and he could see the guilt on her face. He licked his lips, his head bowed down to avoid facing her, only looking up at her from raised eyes. He could see Snow take her hand, and even though he knew she would be having a horrible time of it-it was no secret that the Sheriff wasn't exactly the most open person in the entire world-she grasped her mother's hand and he could see how desperate she was. His focus was pulled to the boy as he groaned in his grandfather's arms, twitching in pain as he tried to move his mangled appendage.

"That's not who I am. Not really. I'm sorry, Sheriff." He replied evenly. "Tink, let's go."

"Peter..." He heard the fairy began to speak his name, her tone hesitant, and as he turned to face her to urge her further, he didn't see the sheriff approaching.

Emma slapped him suddenly and he drew back, his childish expression one of more surprise than hurt, and Emma would've laughed if the situation wasn't so serious. She grabbed him by the shoulders and looked up into his face. "My son is 10 years old, and he tried to get into that house for everyone in this town. And he's 10; he's actually a kid. A really, really hurt kid. And he needs that bone set, and the wound sewn up by a real doctor. By you. You're the best one here, Dr. Wha-**_Peter_**. You _are_."

"You hit me!" He exclaimed, his hand going to his cheek. "Tink, she hit me!"

"You deserved it." The fairy replied simply. When he gaped at her, she shrugged. "The Pan I knew never backed down from a fight, and I'd say this is the greatest one he's ever had to face-the battle over what he fears the most." Her mouth drew tight and sad. "She's right, Peter."

"No, you don't understand, I can't, Tink. If I do it then I can't go back." Ashamed, the tears welled up in his eyes again. He held out both arms in a pleading gesture toward his once tiny friend, his voice cracking. "I want to go back to Neverland Tink. I just want to go back to Neverland, but I keep thinking happy thoughts and nothing happens. You remember, right? Flying, and fighting Hook and the fun times with the boys?"

"Of course, Peter. Of course I remember." Tink was crying too, her hand cupping his face. "We can't go back to Neverland, Peter, you know that. And the sooner you accept that and all of this, the sooner you can start being the man I know you can be."

"But I don't want to be that! I want to be who I was. I don't want to be an adult!"

"I know." She hugged him to her as he buried his head in her shoulder. "I know. But sometimes, we have to do the things we don't want to do." She pulled back to look up at his watery face, the hopeless expression on his face paining her. She wiped at his tears. "We all have to grow up eventually, Peter. And I'm sorry that for so long, I let you believe otherwise."

He clenched his jaw together and swallowed hard a few times before looking down at the floor with a sharp puff of air. When he looked back up, he tossed a glance at the injured boy and his family behind him before turning back to the woman who was his closest, and right now only, friend in the world. "You'll stay with me though? You'll help me?"

She smiled. "Always, Peter. Always."

* * *

"Dr. Whale?" The boys voice was raspy and dry. Peter smiled softly and walked to the bed he lay in, Emma's tightly curled form asleep at his side. Henry blinked up at him through blurry eyes.

"Shh, not too loud. How are you feeling, Henry?"

"'mmm kay." He muttered, his eyelashes fluttering once more. "I'm floaty. And tired."

Peter stifled a chuckle. "That'd be the medicine we gave you, for your arm. That was quite a fall you took, Henry. That's gonna leave quite the battle scar."

The boy grinned. "Grampa says girls like scars."

This time Peter did laugh. "I have heard that a time or two. Did you want some water Henry?" The boy shook his head. "Alright then. Try and get some more rest. Your body is still recovering from the surgery we had to put you under for. We'll talk more in the morning."

"Dr. Whale?" The boy stopped him as he began to leave the room. Peter stopped, almost uncertain if he should stay, but turned despite his doubts.

"Yes Henry?"

"Can I go flying with you later?"

The lump that Peter had been ignoring all day came back and his expression grew mournful. "No, Henry. I don't think we...I can. Not anymore."

"I think you could."

"Oh yeah? And why's that?"

"Because you're the Pan." The boy's grin was lopsided and loopy and Peter had to smile despite himself; the drugs they gave patients often gave them loose lips. "You know the secret."

"Well the secret is not so secret. You just have to think of your happiest thought. And with that and some pixie dust..."

"And faith, right?"

This was so cliche, but he couldn't help it. He thought of the townspeople from this morning on, helping each other gather supplies and find new places to live, find their lost loved ones amongst the chaos and carnage. He thought of Tink, and the lost boys-who were still Lost, by the way, but that would be a job for the days to come-and of the second star on the right and Wendy Darling and of everything these people could be in spite of the Mayor of this town and somewhere inside of him, he felt warm all over and he knew if he'd had a bit of dust just right then, he'd be six feet off the ground. He swallowed hard. "You're right Henry. Faith."

Henry smirked at him. "So we can go flying right?"

The doctor barked a laugh. "Only if your mom's okay with it. Now go to sleep. You need your rest." He opened the door to the room to leave, watching the boy relax back on his pillow. "And Henry?"

"Yes Dr. Whale?"

The doctor smiled. "Call me Peter. Or Pan."

The boy grinned wide. "Absolutely! Pan!" He shook his head, resting his head back as Peter returned to the door and exited through it. "This is going to be awesome."

Peter chuckled as he walked into the hall away from the room, knowing Henry was speaking more to himself than the man leaving the room. He cursed himself for the way he had acted all the day. He was a grown up, that was true, but it didn't mean much else. There were plenty of adventures left for him to chase. And he would waste no time getting started. He grabbed his phone from his pocket-a luxury of this world he was thankful for, and plenty prepared to keep-and opened it as he pressed the first key.

"Tink? What are you doing, right now?" He paused, waiting for her answer, then shook his head at the answer. "You can sleep when you're dead. We have some friends to find." He chewed at his lip as he considered his next question, and grinned; why the heck not.

"Hey, do you think you could round up some fairy dust from the Mother Superior? There's something I want to try..."


End file.
